Why Grounding Doesn’t Work (Or Why It Might Not Feel Like It Does)
Gasp. What do you mean grounding doesn’t work?!
What I mean is this: the concept of grounding and the exercises or tools we so often learn about shared by our therapists, our friends, and through the endless suggestions we see on social media might not land for everyone the way we expect them to. Grounding itself is important. It helps the nervous system find a sense of safety, a place to land. It can open the door to regulation, calm, clarity, connection. But when grounding exercises become something we’re supposed to do to “fix” how we feel, they can lose their meaning. Or even stir up resistance.
You might know this inner monologue:
“This won’t work.”
“This is too simple.”
“That’s it?”
“This doesn’t seem like it’ll help.”
“I don’t believe it.”Or even:
“ I won’t do it right.”
”I’m bad at these things.”
Or, after trying it:
“That was… okay, I guess. But not for me.”
“I don’t think I’m good at this.”
“That felt weird.”
“This doesn’t really work for me.”
If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong. What I’ve noticed, both as a therapist and in my own personal life, is that often, the issue isn’t the exercise itself. It’s how we’re holding it. The pressure. The expectation. The demand for it to do something.
What if trying a practice is actually about giving yourself a chance?
Maybe it’s not about believing in the grounding exercise.
Maybe it’s about offering something to yourself.
Because giving a practice a chance might actually be about giving yourself a chance.
A chance to feel differently.
A chance to not rush past your own needs.
A chance to be with yourself in a gentler way.
You don’t have to be convinced. You don’t have to like it.
But you might still be worth the attempt.
Even if just a little.
A Reframe to Try: What If It’s Not About Working?
What if feeling silly, feeling lost, feeling hesitant, feeling like it’s not you is part of the process?
What if those very feelings are part of the shift because they mean you're showing up.
What if this was about curiosity and experminentation?
When we let go of the idea that something has to “work” in order to be valid, something softens. The pressure eases. It becomes less about fixing, and more about noticing.
You are allowed to try something, and not like it.
You are allowed to try something, and discover, “this isn’t for me” or “I want to be curious about it again.”
That doesn’t mean it didn’t work. It means you learned something about what you need.
That learning itself is a win. And sometimes, that clarity only comes from the act of giving yourself a real chance.
When You Feel the Urge to Dismiss Something, Ask:
Am I saying no because this doesn’t align with me or because it feels unfamiliar, awkward, or strange?
Is this a deep knowing that this isn't for me or is it discomfort showing up as resistance?
What would it be like to stay curious just a moment longer?
You don’t have to force yourself to love something. You don’t have to believe something you don’t.
But you can stay open to the idea that something unfamiliar isn’t necessarily wrong. It just might not be yours. Or it may be!
And you’ll only know that by letting yourself try.
That trying doesn't mean you're wrong, or broken, or not doing it right.
It means you're allowing a little more space inside.
It means you’re not closing the door on yourself.
Some Gentle Mantras to Hold
“I’m allowed to try speaking gently to myself, even if I don’t fully believe it yet.”
“It’s okay to be hesitant and still allow myself to venture.”
“This doesn’t have to be a fit for me and I can still be proud that I tried.”
“I’m learning what helps me by being present enough to notice.”
-Imuri
